Now is the time that all (good) lying, cheating, using, ego-maniacs just give up this charade and tell the fucking truth. Not that I feel Major League Baseball has any right to go after these guys in the first place. As I have said, what’s done is done, and it’s now time to move on, and without the guys who are simply not man enough to admit what they have done, and own it, and make NO excuses for their behavior. In fact, I’d have a ton more respect for Roger Clemens et.al. if they’d just tell the truth! But continuing to live and act as if the rest of us are just too plain stupid to realize that there is an enormous amount of cow dung being heaped upon us is not endearing us to your positions.

So instead of owning it, admitting it, coming clean with your mistakes, maybe even (dare I say) showing some solidarity with your fellow maligned “steroid-era” cohorts, you all continue to deny what anyone with even a double digit IQ can clearly see. Nay, you even file defamation lawsuits against those who actually have the balls to tell the truth.

I wonder if anyone advised Roger that a defamation of character lawsuit will most often be fought in defense by drumming up even MORE dirt on youto “prove” you cannot be trusted and that you are a lying piece of shit? Dude! You had a 10 year affair with a smokin’ hot (at the time,) 15 year old aspiring country/western singer? My god, how stupid can you be? Next you’ll be filing a defamation lawsuit against the New York Daily News (get in line, dude, the end of the line is somewhere in Connecticut,) and in defense, they’ll probably find that you had numerous meetings in a New York Central Park public bathroom with George Michaels. Fuck dude, cut your losses already.  Oh, and btw, saying it wasn't sexual is just another insult to our intelligence. You tapped that! You did.

To Roger and all the others:
I do NOT condemn you for taking steroids, clear, cream, hgh, greenies, or whatever else you did to gain an advantage in an “era” where practically everyone did, thereby making it not so much an “advantage”. And seriously, I just don’t care anymore to know who did and who didn’t. In my mind, you did because you had to, or you thought you had to just to stay up with everyone else. It will be forever known as the “steroid era” so if you were one of the VERY FEW who didn’t succumb, great for you! Unfortunately, history will not record that fact. I DO condemn all of you who get caught, and deny it! You are still our heroes, steroids or not, and to lie when you are clearly caught destroys our vision of you more than the fact you did it. We know you did it. We don’t care anymore. We do care that you man up!

To the players union:
If you continue to fight the fight, Roger Clemens will NOT be the last big name to fall from grace. The time has come to truly protect your members from further “defamation”, that is if you really care. My advice to you is have every single player who played even one game of baseball between the years of 1990 and 2003 come forward and admit to being a part of the steroid era. Everyone knew what was going on, and the fans know it. In one way or another, everyone had a part in it. EVERYONE! It’s called solidarity. If every member of your union admitted to being a part of the problem, then no one member can be singled out again. In fact, we may actually find, as is my assertion, that Major League Baseball itself is mostly to blame for the problem, not the players. Turn the tables on those that should have done something about it a long time ago!

dude... i ganja, they ganja, we all ganja!

The average single man lasts around 7 minutes during intercourse, and only between 2 to 3 minutes of actual thrusting.  The average married man lasts around 14 minutes, but still only 2 to 3 minutes of actual thrusting.

http://www.clitical.com/orgasms/orgasm-facts.php

I actually found plenty of documentation stating that the rate of contractions during orgasm is .8 seconds (for both men and women!) how incredibly conveniently coincidental!  And if that is truly the case, is it any wonder at all that the notion of climaxing together is the end all of orgasmic pleasure?  Even with this factoid, it is anyone’s guess what the average man’s rate of thrusting is, but many resources imply that matching the orgasm rate of .8 seconds wouldn’t be a bad idea!

So, at .8 seconds per thrust, and 180 seconds (oh I’m giving all you men out there the upper limit here so sack up and give her the full 3 minutes man!) of thrusting that gives us 225 thrusts during intercourse.

But wait, consider this…

http://www.mentalhelp.net/psyhelp/chap10/chap10w.htm

Again the experts don’t give any concrete data on frequency but lets say the average couple in a healthy sexual relationship is having sex at least 3 (again, sack up man!) times a week.  So, at 225 thrusts per go, that gives her 775 thrusts per week, and a whopping 40,300 thrusts per year!  Not too bad?

Alright, now where is this all going you ask?  Well, you didn’t really think that this little editorial would be complete without a short (pardon the pun) discussion on penile length did you?  Of course not!

Now, of course I am a huge proponent of (the admittedly self architected) D’Mo’s manhood indicator algorithm which gives proper credit to both length and girth, but for this argument we will be looking at length only.  That being the case, the average male member is the subject of much debate, but generally considered between 5.5 and 6.5 inches.  In fact most references on this topic agree that the absolute average is right around 6.1 inches with a standard deviation of .77 inches, which gives us somewhere around 88% of the male population in that range.  Let’s use 6 as a nice round (or shall I say long) number?  If you’re not reaching the average guys, you’re going to have to adjust your calculations accordingly from here.

http://www.sexinfo101.com/kb_penissize.shtml

So, using our previously calculated 40,300 thrust a year and our now accepted 6 inches a thrust, this gives her 241,800 inches a year!  That sounds like a few feet, eh?  In fact, 20,150 feet, or 6,717 yards, or for our European cousins, 6,142 meters.

And for our final calculation, get this, 3.82 miles!

Now ladies, I ask you, are you getting your 3.82 miles a year?  Or are we shooting (another fabulous pun) for an even 4!  Well Endowed!

oh, I ganja!