The frog is boiling

by iGanja 6. December 2006 04:01

Okay, I have for 6 years now resisted the temptation to climb on the Bash (George W.) Bush bandwagon.  Not that he hasn’t deserved all or even more of the criticism that he gets, but that I simply chose to ignore the blatant arrogance coupled with the immeasurable stupidity of our current president simply because I have one vote, and I do my very best with my one vote, but the rest of the country chooses to elect one lying bastard after another!  So, I live with the choice, but I complain about it as is my right.  I am sure I would sign a petition to have him impeached, but I’m not about to start the campaign.  It just isn’t worth it, given the fact that the bible/corn belt of our country loves the guy, which only helps to validate the label of their part of the country as “dumbfuckistan.”  I don’t blame them entirely.  When you wrap yourselves in the flag or the [enter religious text of your choosing here] you tend to see only that which is shown to you, tend to hear only that which is told to you and tend not to question any of it, which is, in the end, what those doing the showing and the telling are counting on.

Go back to sleep, your government has everything under control… all the while, the frog is boiling!

Today, the executive branch (aka George W.) received a report from a panel of highly educated and experienced experts in sociology, cultural relations and specifically the Middle East and the Islamic religion.  They made a number of recommendations, many of which were “Unanimously” agreed upon by the panel.  They painted a dire picture of what might occur if the US continues with its current strategy, and generally condemns the actions and policies of our government with regard to the Middle East.  So, the report overall sees a “grave and deteriorating” crisis.  No shit?  I’d have never guessed, and it seems our administration was just as taken aback by the findings as I…  In fact so much so, that our pinhead of a president stated that the opinions of these “experts” will be taken “very seriously”, but “made clear he will not be bound by its ideas” his assessment of the state of affairs (he’s so smart,) is clearly contrary, so the White House immediately began “its own review of Iraq policy.”

Are you fucking kidding me?  Shouldn’t our administration be continuously reviewing our policies anyway, especially those that put our military into service?  And, how much more fucking “review” is needed?  We went to war with Afghanistan and Iraq with little more than a laughable theory and now you want more review?  And how much taxpayer money was spent on this study that you are now going to just throw away simply because you don’t like the results?  Actually, what our administration is really doing is stalling for time; time to find their own panel of “experts” that will study exactly what our President wants them to, and conclude that our cowboy belligerence policies are sound and working as planned.  What a crock of shit!

Go back to sleep, your government has everything under control… does it seem warm to you?  …and what’s with all these bubbles?

I hope we can survive two more years of this president’s moronic ineptitude.  I hope our next President can somehow repair the damage of eight years of unconscionable aggression, and arrogant policies that have pissed off pretty much the whole rest of the world.  I hope someday we can establish a viable third party to counter the two completely out-of-touch-with-reality ones we have today, but alas, that is a topic for another rant…

Oh, I ganja


You don't have a say, so shut the fuck up!

by iGanja 29. November 2006 04:00

Oh, what I would give to be a fly on the wall at some Baseball Writers of America conference.  Late at nite, when the meetings are over, after the four cocktail dinners are completed, back in the hotel rooms that the escorts and drug dealers frequent…  I’m not calling them all out, but then again, I don’t have to.  I doubt anyone would have to do much more than hang around for a spell to catch one of these self-proclaimed protectors of baseball purity doing something, anything, illegal, or at the very least, morally reprehensible.  Please!  Get any group of self-righteous spin doctors together, and it’s a recipe for hypocrisy!

Major League Baseball gives these windbags, most of who, never played a single inning of baseball, even in little league, the honor of choosing the players to be enshrined in Cooperstown for their accomplishments on the field, and I have to ask, why?  Why on earth do these guys get the honor?

We fans wait with great anticipation every year as these idiots debate the merits of each prospective inductee to the consternation of all of us.  Again, many of these imbeciles never donned a uniform; in fact many are such huge tubs-of-shit, they’re lucky if they can find a belt off the rack that can encircle their massive affirmation of athletic ineptitude.  Yet, we allow them to judge that which, for all intents and purposes, they have no business judging!  And it get’s worse!

If it isn’t enough to try to label an athlete’s accomplishments as "hall worthy" by themselves, most of these overzealous pundits choose to bring into the debate practically every non-field related issue they can drum up.  Perhaps this is to somehow judge them on something they actually have some knowledge of; because hitting a baseball going 95 mph with a 34 inch piece of lumber is something they actually know nothing about!

And if all that wasn’t bad enough, every sports writer in the country, most of which do not have a vote in the matter, feel compelled to give their two cents worth also!  Who gives a rat’s ass "how you would vote," if only you had a ballot!  You don’t!  So, go fuck yourself already, ‘cause it’s obvious you don’t get it either!

This last idiot, John Donovan (non-voter extraordinaire,) actually spent time writing why Mark McGuire doesn’t deserve to be in the Hall, in his own narcissistic opinion.  Dude!  Here’s a reminder for you; you don’t have a say in the matter, and for good reason, thankfully.  You don’t understand the whole concept in the first place!  Donovan actually does say that in looking at Big Mac’s numbers, he fully warrants consideration nay induction for what he did on the field.  Okay, stop right there big boy!  That is all you need to consider, period!  Not every Hall-of-Famer prior was a poster child for "role model of the year" or even shining examples of law abiding citizens, but they were all freakishly good baseball players.  Must every inductee now be held to some Roberto Clemente standard of conduct?  And again, who the fuck are you to judge such things anyway?  You are barely qualified to judge their on-field accomplishments.

Donovan writes in his article: "Writers, unfairly drafted into the ranks of the Morality Police and forced to guard the gates of the Hall in this hormone-injected baseball era…"

What a fucking crock of shit!  "…unfairly drafted?"  Bullshit!  You took on that role on your own.  Nobody is asking you to be the moral compass of baseball, and, god forbid, we as fans would accept you as such!  "…forced to guard the gates?"  What the fuck?  Is it such a heavy burden, simply looking at a guy’s career and deciding whether he deserves to be enshrined for his accomplishments?

The problem really is that there is no set of standards to be considered when deciding who’s in and who’s not.  I as a fan would say, consider only what the player did on the field, his impact on the game during the time he played, and lastly, possibly give some extra credit for being a good human being, but in no way should a player be penalized for being an asshole or otherwise generally unpopular.  And certainly no way should a player be dinged because he wasn’t a media favorite.  This is not a popularity contest regardless how much some baseball writers would like to make it so.  Swallow your fragile egos and show us the standard of integrity by which you obviously hold everyone else to, but are seemingly unable to abide by yourselves!

Many of the actual voting members of the Baseball Writers of America will no doubt agree with Mr. Donovan and choose not to vote for Mark McGuire even though his numbers and his impact on the game clearly warrant induction.  Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa saved baseball, and anyone who does not accept that is simply not paying attention.  Major League Baseball should be "kissing their hairy bean bags."

The bottom line is; you are not judge and jury over whether or not Big Mac or Sammy Sosa, or even Barry Bonds took steroids in an era where, even though illegal, was not against the rules.  I commend Mark for his reluctance to submit to the pressures of the political machine looking to bolster their next bid for office.  If there was a problem, and I think everyone agrees there was, then fix it!  But don’t go after those that found a loophole and exploited it to the absolute delight and benefit of everyone associated with the game.  Everyone "knew" what was going on, and nobody did a damn thing about it!  Don’t go after the saviors of baseball now that what they did for you is not so politically correct.  You must now live with your decision to look the other way.

In all fairness to Mr. Donovan, he’s not alone, even at SI.  This guy Phil Taylor (another non-voter) also feels he must take a shot at Big Mac’s expense.  All I can say is thank god we don’t build houses out of glass anymore…

Oh, I ganja!


Shut The Fuck Up!

Shut the fuck up!

by iGanja 15. November 2006 03:58

As in, no way! Are you serious? You really expect me to believe that shit?  How dumb do you think football fans are?  Okay, okay, judging from the stands at a Raiders or Redskins game, pretty damn dumb, but seriously, one would have to be well down into the 2-digit IQ range to fall for this spin.  Monday night viewership hits new low

ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz noted that “the game had the 11th-biggest audience for a cable program this year. The other 10 are all Monday Night Football games.”  Wait a fucking minute!  How many Monday night football games have there been this year?  I count 9! Where the fuck are you getting your numbers?

ESPN has, for all intents and purposes, fucked up Monday Night Football worse than can ever have been imagined, and now they say, that even though the last two games have produced the two lowest ratings in MNF history, “Monday Night Football is exceeding our expectations.  And we're looking forward to an exciting stretch run."  WTFO?  ESPN wants us to believe that they expected viewer numbers to decrease after taking over Monday Night Football? Huh? Your what smells? Baking powder?

Michele Tafoya and Suzy Kolber are the only two personalities they have going for them (curiously, the only two still left from the ABC crew of old.)  Mike Trico (thankfully the play-by-play guy,) is the only one in the booth I can stand.  Joe Theismann is, and always has been, a total tool.  Someone should tell him that fake tan has worn-out weatherman written all over it!  And lastly, I can’t even begin to come up with enough derogative adjectives to describe how forgettable this Tony Korn(hole)heiser is!  What the fuck was/is ESPN thinking kornheiser.jpgputting this grade school dodge ball reject, with a face for TONY_23.jpgradio, on TV?  Let alone on the biggest weekly sports stage of them all?  From "Kornheiser is one of ESPN's most popular on-air personalities as co-host of the wildly popular Pardon The Interruption."  oh my fucking god!  Someone at ESPN is smoking some really good shit, and what makes me even madder is that I can't get a hit off it!

Just look at this imbecile!

I (along with everyone else, I’d bet,) will give you (ESPN) one year to tweak this mess you have created, but you better do something fast, otherwise Monday Night Football is going to get beat out by Dancing with the Stars!  Oh Emmitt, you really have sold your soul.  I just turn the sound off now…

Oh I ganja!


Shut The Fuck Up!

Bad Bad Mr. Green!

by iGanja 7. November 2006 03:55

The only question at the beginning was why we seemed to have to wait for Miss Scarlet every year! A curious fact indeed, and were the Scarlet’s (who looked a lot like the Peacocks of old,) destined to repeat as winners? It seemed, early on, that Miss Scarlet was content to sit on her laurels from last year, and simply tease the boys over what color panties, if any, she was wearing, as she walked up the stairs. None of us were complaining though, so her tardiness was soon forgotten.

The investigation started quickly, suggestions were flying at every suspect, as no one was beyond suspicion. Every suspect garnered scrutiny early on, but as the investigation proceeded, Mrs. Peacock and Mr. Green became the clear favorites. Sheriff Peacock was never surprised as he was heard to say "It’s you, I know it’s you! Just give yourself up now woman, and be done with it!" It didn’t seem to sway anyone, and as it turned out, years of law enforcement was no match for psychic abilities.

Was it Mrs. White again this year? We spent some time in the gymnasium, but the clues presented there seemed to show that she had suppressed her activist ways. Clearly, Major League Baseball’s stricter steroid policy had satisfied her. What about this new Colonel Mustard? Although, we weren’t buying the ruse that he had made full bird faster than anyone before him, he seemed more intent on drinking poison than proving his innocence. Luckily, someone did it for him.

Would any of us stay sober long enough to figure this out? It seemed not, as the investigation appeared stalled in the Great Room and accusations of a fixed die were cast toward the butler, who really just wanted Mrs. Green to reach into his pocket to retrieve it. Even the butler was wondering about the die as it seemed there were only three sides; the Great Room, Dinning Room and Foyer were the only rooms it would reveal! Would it be enough? What of this new balcony? What about the office and the kitchen? Shouldn’t we at least go down to the gymnasium one last time? If only to watch Miss Scarlet climb the stairs again?

As it turned out, it simply wasn’t needed, although many players were lamenting over whether to skip their turns to get to their room of choice. When the Mustard’s turn came, they did indeed decide to pass their turn, yet there was a no sense that we were getting close to an answer, only that other rooms had to be investigated. Most agreed it was a good move, but would the Mustard’s strategy pay off?

Amazingly NO! The Mustard’s would never get their shot. The White’s had seen and heard enough, and even though they admitted to having only two of the three pieces of the puzzle, they were ready to make an accusation, jurisprudence be damned! Most of the others were stunned. The Greens and the Plums cried foul over procedure, butt Scarlet, still sitting on her cute little laurels, didn’t seem to mind. The butler assured everyone that proper procedure was followed; even winning a bet over it for free sushi next Thursday night! Mrs. White was within her right to accuse, and accuse she did…

Mr. Green,
In the Kitchen,
With the Candlestick!

mr-green.gifMrs. White made the accusation, with an eerie conviction in her voice, and an assertion that she was indeed psychic! Was it true that the normally mild mannered Mr. Green, a surfer and part time computer hack, had found yet another gruesome use for his candlestick? After walking around with it in his pants all night, no one really wanted to touch that one! And without ever going to the kitchen, how did Mrs. White come to her conclusion? Perhaps only the psychic world may ever know. Was it that Mr. Green had blew out a flip flop, and stepped on a pop top, cut his heel and had to cruise on back home? Only to find there was no booze in the blender, and nothing would render, but that candlestick was just the tool to remind someone that without margarita fixings, it’s hard to hang on! Tequila kills, but it seems in this case lack of tequila might be just as deadly! And all the pieces seemed to come together…

The Winner!

It was true…


I will not eat crow (or cardinal) !

by iGanja 31. October 2006 03:53

However a little humble pie now and then is good for the soul, I guess.

Okay! Jeff Weaver, you have somewhat redeemed yourself. After the Angels gave up on you (as well they should have, btw, you fucking stunk,) to be picked up by my favorite National League team was almost a stab in the heart. To watch as you continued your wildly inconsistent performance, I feared you may actually keep them from making the play-offs.

Props to you as you did indeed sack up and start pitching to your potential FINALLY, and just in time! Your post season performance was nothing short of solid and, dare I say, even noteworthy. As much as I believe that David Eckstein, Scott Spezio and especially Jim Edmonds deserved their rings this year, I’m not all that stl.gifdisappointed that you too will don some hardware for your contribution to the cause.

Nice job!

And Congratulations to the World Champion St. Louis Cardinals!


So many laws: so little justice!

by iGanja 20. October 2006 03:50

A phrase I coined nearly 20 years ago, is even more pertinent, as there are even more laws today and shit like this still happens.

Read ALL about it

I cannot say that I am as moved to action as my beloved over this tragedy.  I have truly given in to the notion that life just isn’t fair, and bad things happen to good people.  My realistic senses tell me there is little I can do to rectify this injustice.  It does indeed enrage me when our government doesn’t work, and I am sickened by the regularity by which it happens.  Try as I may to forget and move on, my conscience and my love for a certain woman lead me to do something.  So, here is my pledge:  I will do whatever she asks of me in this cause, and I will start by sending the following letter to the prosecutor(s) of this case.

To Assistant U.S. Attorney Debra Kanof:

Today I am embarrassed as an American by this injustice, but you are forever doomed to be associated with it as the true perpetrator.  This is Karma of the worst kind.  I actually pity you, for when your time comes to answer for this; you will undoubtedly pay a very high price for stealing twenty-three years of fellow human beings’ lives and destroying the lives of their respective families.  The damage you have caused to our great nation is inexcusable, and you deserve to live the rest of your life ridiculed and ashamed.  There are many of us who will NEVER forget what you have done.

Twenty-three years for shooting the scourge of the earth in the butt?  This vermin walks free to undoubtedly commit more crime against our nation while those who would protect us, AND YOU for that matter, are condemned for it?  I wish for you an inequitable shift of balance in those proverbial scales of justice, that this vermin you have set free may happen upon your house someday to commit a crime against you and your family; that you are at peace with the knowledge that you did your job; and that those who have pledged to protect you…won’t.

And I will NOT weep for you; you definitely deserved it!

David Moore
oh, I ganja!



by iGanja 18. October 2006 03:48

sobe_fortune.gifI have come to rather enjoy SOBE energy drinks.  Green Tea is my favorite, but alas, the cafeteria was out today.  So, hmmmmm, what shall I try?  How about, Power Fruit Punch!  And for added enjoyment SOBE puts a little message under each cap.  They normally don’t make much mention of it; but sometimes it actually does relate to some give-away or something, but mostly it’s just some random way of telling you that “you lost”, “life isn’t fair”, and to keep your spirits high, drink more SOBE, and in the words of professor Lupin of Harry Potter fame, “You’ll feel betta!”

Today was no different.  I lost again! Or more precisely, fortune did not smile on me today, BUT only in the US of A.  Seems if I decided to leave the country, my luck might very well be different.  Worse or better, god only knows.

oh, I ganja!


SPAM subject line Haiku

by iGanja 17. October 2006 03:47

Oh my darling scrappy doo, and her penchant for wit!
she made me laugh today with her haiku of the spam.

I just had to add one of my own, and so now I challenge all to a Haiku-Off!

and here is mine:

wild college coeds:
you need a bigger penis,
check out my web cam!

oh, I ganja


Did someone say shut the fuck up!

by iGanja 7. September 2006 03:42

As August came to a close, and very little in the way of inspiration to award a STFU award for the month, I have no problem at all giving this piece of work, spouting feminist dogma, the award covering two months and rectum-fying the whole situation.

07greer copy.jpgAustralian feminist Greer attacks "embarrassing" Croc Hunter

How can anyone, especially someone who advocates and promotes political and social correctness, be so blatantly unsympathetic and incorrect? Well, in this case, it appears that it is indeed very easy. This self absorbed, ego-maniac Germaine Greer seems all too willing to wield her celebrity and attack Steve Irwin with a barb even more poisonous than the one that killed him.

However you may feel personally about Steve Irwin and his “exploitative” antics Ms Greer, he was in the end, a man survived by a wife and children that loved him, and he deserved more than 24 hours of silence from the likes of you before publicly slamming him and his work. In fact, wouldn’t it be more in the feminist way to show compassion and empathy in such a moment as this?

Touché you worthless windbag; I guess you told him, didn’t you?

p028 copy.jpgOH MY GOD! The impudence (and cowardice) doth run deep. How microscopic must a man’s dick be to rip on another man after he’s dead? Chaunce Hayden, of Steppin’ Out magazine, a worthless piece of fish wrapping dedicated primarily to the entertainment industry based in, get this, New Jersey, if that wasn’t funny (or stupid) enough, has named Steve Irwin, the “Deceased Asshole of the Week!” Nice going, shit-for-brains! I’d bet $100 Chaunce (oh, I’d also bet he got beat up a lot in school with that name, huh sissy boy?) had never met the man Steve Irwin, never been to Australia, never seen a wild crocodile, and probably never grasped his manhood with more than his thumb and forefinger.

Seriously, this IS the guy they make Hummers and Excursions for. Chaunce, stick to what you know, or rather speculate best; the location of every gay bar on the east coast, where you can find Donald Trump’s penis pump, and how to eat your way up from the bottom of a vat of maggots. I suppose your association with Howard Stern has brought you to the status of journalist (we) most like to ridicule, but once that fades, you’ll just be a guy with no balls that kicks sand in the face of dead guys. Not even Howard Stern would have been this insensitive.

Although I will never wish death on anyone, I do look forward to the day you make your own column!  You too can shut the fuck up now!

Oh, I ganja

non-working link to shit-for-brains magazine article PUSSY! This should have been a retraction and an apology!


Shut The Fuck Up!

I vs. Me

by iGanja 30. August 2006 03:31

Okay, this is starting to bug me.  The use of "I" when referring to yourself in a picture with another person is ALMOST ALWAYS INCORRECT!  So, in an effort to sound intelligent and well educated, you are actually showing that you slept through that particular lesson in school.  Now, Im not one to harp on things normally, since I am a fairly poor speller, although spell check is a handy friend of mine, but this is beginning to border on ridiculous.

Brian and David.jpgSo, here is a little refresher course for those of you who honestly are trying to use the words I and me correctly:

My brother and I went to the lake.
Luckily, someone brought a camera to record the event.
Here is a picture of my brother and me at the lake.

Here is a little hint:

Remove the words My brother and from both sentences and you get:
I went to the lake.
Here is a picture of me at the lake.

Rather than:
Me went to the lake.
Here is a picture of I at the lake.

Even the simplest captions can be butchered.
For example a picture of you and someone else (say, your best friend Joe) should be captioned like so:

Me and Joe
Or, if you must put yourself last because in the back of your mind some English teacher told you to then,
Joe and me

NOT Joe and I!

You certainly wouldnt caption a picture of yourself with I, would you?
No, you would write Me!
as if those viewing it couldnt figure it out, but hopefully you all get the point.

Now go forth and fix all of your poorly written photo captions before you are cursed with perpetual halitosis.


Oh, I Ganja

When something becomes clear, we exclaim "Oh, I Ganja!"

Let us question the narratives and seek enlightenment in answers based on logic and reason.

We can all be saved! You just need to know where to turn, and the truth can be yours as well.

Oh, I Ganja!

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